Valentine Shmalentine

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back on line

The break in… Well, I came to work last Thursday to find that our office had been broken into. They stole my computer, our microwave, and busted up our coke machine among other things. On the plus side I feel much better about the move across town now. On the bad side, I have been office hopping until my new computer comes in, I lost all of my personal stuff that was saved on my hard drive and on top of everything else, a girl in my office (that her job directly effects my job) quit Friday and instead of hiring someone else right before the move, I am now responsible for both positions. So that’s that.

Money money money……Good news, my W2 came in Friday so I filed my taxes Saturday. I literally now have 8 to 21 days until I can move and finally be free.

Roughed up…..So I was lucky that the last few weeks have been pretty uneventful at home. I knew it wouldn’t last forever though. He hasn’t been drinking near as much (because we’ve been so broke) so I know that has helped. Well he drank last night, a lot. I could see as soon as I got home he was in that potentially explosive state, not mad at all but super manic/drunk/loud/intense. When he’s like this he’s like a giant pimple about to burst on your mirror. So I opted to leave him alone and let him play his madden on the play-station and went in the bedroom to watch TV. I was pretty bummed because as the games are played in this dysfunctional relationship of mine, I still enjoy spending time with him when he is the him I fell in love with, and he has been that person lately. Anyway, I fell asleep watching TV and apparently didn’t hear him screaming for me. By the time I finally woke up and heard him, he had manifested into that beast of a man I dread. I walked into the living room and the front door was open, he was sitting in his chair. He had got up to pee out the front door (we have two bathrooms, he just does this out of pure laziness is suppose) and the dogs ran outside. I stood at the front door calling my dogs back in and I felt a huge shove, he got me right in the middle of my back and almost knocked me down the stairs of my from door but I caught myself. He literally knocked the breath out of me. I put my head down and turned to walk quietly back to the bedroom and he threw a bottle of Tylenol at me and they went everywhere. I picked them up. I went and laid down in the bed and actually thought he was done. Then he came in carrying the vacuum cleaner and threw it at me, Yes a VACUUM cleaner. Then he started grabbing things off of the dresser throwing them at me. Hairspray, pledge can, powder bottle. I instinctively covered my face with my arms, as I always do while under attack. The whole thing was only a couple of minutes then he turned an walked out and that was it. Every time I get roughed up I tend to not feel much at first. I guess after the shock or adrenaline or whatever wears off after a few minutes then the pain starts to set in and I know where to check for injury’s. It wasn’t too bad, I always feel much better if I don’t get it in the face, that seem to hurt much worse and takes longer to heal, not to mention you can’t hide it, not that I care anymore. So I ended up with a pretty big goose egg on my head, my arm is swollen and has a good cut and my muscles feel like I just did the Biggest loser boot camp video. People talk about the honeymoon phase when the man is super sweet and apologetic after the abuse. He stopped that years ago. I don’t even remember the last time he apologized to me. He either calms down and pretends it didn’t happen or he makes a joke out of it, which is what he did last night. He came in there a little while later and asked if I was ready to apologize to him and give him a kiss. I went to sleep. This morning he tried to get me to stay home from work because he was moaning saying he was super sick and his chest hurt. I went to work anyway. He called me after about and hour and said his chest was killing him and he couldn’t breathe. I told him to get some rest, I didn’t not give in to this fake heart attack manipulation this time. I can’t believe all of the years I fell for this crap and I let him play me like a violin. When I told his aunt this morning that she would have to call me on his phone because he had one of his episodes last night and smashed my prepaid phone (4th smashed phone now), she literally said, “bless his heart”. Yea poor freaking baby.

BREAK IN

Just so no one  is worried I may not be able to write for the next week or so, I got to work this morning and our office had been broken in to. They stole my computer so I currently don’t have a work station and am using someone else’s computer to write this. I will check in when I can until they get my new computer here and set up. hugs 🙂

CHANGE CHANGE AND MORE CHANGE

Let me just say I do not do well with change. The closer I get to leaving, it is scaring me to death. I am a creature of habit. i function better with routine. Routine is comfortable to me even if its my prison like routine everyday. Leaving my husband will be a HUGE change. I know it will be for the best but my anxiety is building on all. On top of this huge life change, I just found out that my job is changing locations in March. We are moving to the complete other side of town. It is a good move but its still a change. I have been given an opportunity for another job if I want it, but again that means change. I guess the change fairy is spreading her dust because my daughter called and told me that her dad and stepmother bought a home the next town over and they are moving in the next two weeks. She will have to change schools, again. I know change can be good and is part of life, I don’t know why it gives me such anxiety. My husband has not been bad the last few weeks and although I have not changed my mind about leaving, I have had comfort in the day to day routine the last few weeks. I feel like I’m standing at the edge and I have my parachute, but I don’t quite have the guts to jump yet.

Americana Injustica and her Boo

Please send out your prayers, love, good energy, and strengthening spirits today to a mother and daughter who deserve the world. Boo, you are a young woman full of strength and courage and I admire you. You have a mother that loves you enough to move the moon for you. Good luck today ya’ll 🙂