The notebooks

So I still haven’t shared the worst night of my life with you yet (yes it was worse than the other incident and happened since then).  But before I do I need to give you a little background on his notebooks.  I don’t remember exactly when it started but it was within the first few years of our marriage. He started getting paranoid that I was cheating on him, which just for the record I wasn’t and never have. At some point he started writing every single instance that he thought I had cheated on him down in spiral notebooks. They were crazy like I didn’t answer the phone one morning or I didn’t “feel” the same when we had sex that day. It started off as a few here and there but he kept them all in a notebook and would occasionally “interrogate” me trying to make me tell him the “truth” in all kinds of crazy mind screwing ways. There were a few times that the interrogations got so bad I finally just admitted whatever he wanted to hear just so he would stop (sometimes it would go on for days). Then, I would have to later tell him that none of it actually was true but that he made me say it. He always freaked out pretty bad then and that was before things got as bad as they are now. I don’t even know why he writes it all down because he occasionally throws the notebooks away but then eventually he starts getting really manic and paranoid and starts writing everything down again with more added to it. After 13 years you can imagine how much there is, several notebooks full. Yea, I know. So I have no police or military background but I can say now with experience that interrogations that include any kind of abuse are crap because if someone is telling you to tell them that the sky is purple or they will kill you your going to not only tell them what a beautiful shade of purple it is but how it got that color. Your going to say whatever you need to get them to stop.

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