One thing at a time

So I did something brave today, well brave for me anyway. I called my mom and asked her if I could move my house next to theirs. I told her that we were having problems and about him making me leave and the situation of my home being on his parents property and what that meant. Let me just say that I love my mom and dad very much and was very close to them my entire life until the last few years. He has pulled me away from everyone I ever cared about. They live about an hour away but its about 45 minutes from job so that is doable. My father hates my husband and my mother tolerates him because she is so kindhearted. They know nothing of the abuse though. Their problem with him is the fact that he keeps me from them, how controlling he is towards me and that he doesn’t support me. Over the years he has quit numerous jobs, gambled, and caused us to lose everything over and over again. That kind of stuff you can’t hide. I always took up for him though, made excuses, stood by my man. I didn’t want them to know about the abuse because I was ashamed and I didn’t want them to worry. I see now I should have told everyone everything from the get go. I would have never stayed this long. I still don’t want them to know yet but I feel like I will be able to sit down and talk to them about it all after this is over. I guess I felt like I was protecting them. I have always been that way. When I was 19, I was raped. I was strong then. I did what I was supposed to even though it was hard. I called the police, went to the hospital and testified before a court nearly a year later. To this day my parents don’t know. I never told them. I feel like he sucked that strength out of me through the years. The things he has done to me are a hundred times worse that that rape. I’ve never turned him in for any of it. My dad has never been to my house now and my mom has only been twice. We’ve been there three years now. The last time I saw my parents was for my surgery in October, they came up to the hospital. I miss them. I miss my baby brother and his kids. I miss me.

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19 thoughts on “One thing at a time

  1. Huge step! !!! Wow that’s great news! !! Xx

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Stay strong and safe…💜 great steps…

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I told everyone. I was surprised how supportive everyone was. Plus you are not doing anything wrong. It feels good to vent to someone and in this case your family will be on your side. How could they not? Plus they may have some encouraging words. Gosh then you don’t have to wait till your tax return. Do it! Move to them. Let them know and they can protect you!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Violet says:

    Anni, I am so happy to see you taking this step forward. You are brave :). You are a good person and you DO NOT deserve, in any way, what has been happening to you.

    Please read what is in the link below. I knew this family. Was best man at their wedding. They were my best friends, the oldest boy is my god son.

    http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/195611

    Their loss has left a hole in the world. For many people.

    My mother was murdered by her last husband. She has left a hole in the world.

    I understand why you don’t want to leave him. You dint want to hurt him, and cant bear the thought of him dying due to your leaving. Thats a lot of weight to carry. More than anyone should.

    Anni, if you don’t get out he will kill you. AoA said it, he is rapidly getting worse.

    Anni, if you die because of him it will cause a hole in the world for everyone. Including him.

    Anni, if you die the dogs wont be fed.

    Anni, if you die the person that helped you get the trailer will be let down.

    Anni, if you die you will never get to spend that Christmas with your daughter.

    Anni. Homes can be replaced. Clothes can be replaced.

    You cannot be replaced. Ask your daughter. Or anyone here.

    Please get out. Now. Worry only about you, trust me you are important.

    Many hugs, xxxxxx

    Violet

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Violet says:

    Im glad my comment helped, even if in a small way.
    I linked the article to remind you that it can be too late to get away at any time. Things can go from normal to deadly faster than you can escape. You’re a first hand witness to sudden mood changes.
    I can tell you that the final outcome of that family was not completely unexpected. Things had been building and getting worse. And he had demonstrated that he was capable of such things in the past – you cant see the whole picture in a news paper article.
    I am glad that you are still moving forward with your escape. And that you are not fooled into thinking everything is going to be okay just because he is acting normal. You are strong enough to see through that.
    I do urge you to run now, get yourself safe and worry about rebuilding later. The situation you are in really is that bad.
    We are here for you, please keep posting and communicating, you’ve come a long way already toward escaping.
    Many many hugs

    Liked by 1 person

    • anni6290 says:

      thank you so much. This has been so hard because I feel like no matter what I do that people will get hurt. My mind has definitely been made up to leave for a few months now. I know what will happen if I stay. I feel like I’m tied to a chair sitting in the middle of a house on fire sometimes. I will get out though and I know that even when I leave there will things to deal with for a long time but I am ready for that. I had been planning on Feb but you guys have really allowed me to realize that a few more weeks may not be soon enough. I am doing everything I can now at this point I talked to his family again today and everyone is checking in on me. This is no longer a secret and the ugly truth of it all is what will set me free. thank you so much my sweet new friend. thank you for telling me the truth and putting it in a way that spoke to my heart. I feel like I have people fighting for me and I will not let ya’ll down.

      Liked by 1 person

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